Monday, 28 May 2007

Ooarrgh

I'm going to see Pirates o' the Caribbean, part the third, tonight. Hope this'll finally teach me how to spell "Caribbean": one arrrr (m'hearty), two Bs. I have ancestors from the Caribbean; I've written on Wide Sargasso Sea; I like a good banana: and still I have trouble with the arrrs and the Bs.

The prospect of two and a half hours watching Johnny Depp swaggering around in mascara and dreadlocks is making it awful hard to restrain my inner poirate. I've been talking like a Zomerzet-tracker-droiver-turned-salty-old-sea-dog since the moment I woke up this morning. The oirrony of all this be that Cap'n Jack Sparrow does not himself talk in Poirate, ooarrrgh, but some kind of East London blarney. My inner poirate, howzoever it be, perzists in manifesting her zelf by zounding like the village yokel from a Thomas Hardy novel, freshly emerged from a vat o' apple zoider.

16 comments:

Karen said...

I know that this is possibly going to be an unpopular thing to say, but some friends made me watch the first Pirates and I just found it dull- not even salvaged (forgive me, for I am about to speak heresy) by the appearance of Johnny Depp in pirate attire, although I did find his Keith Richards impersonation amusingly accurate.

But then I'm probably going to spend the evening hand feeding sardines to my Lizziecat.

alexis said...

Dear Karen, YOU CAN NOT SAY SUCH THINGS. You can say that the second film lacked narrative resolution, and recurred a few times too many to the near-death-experience-by-cannibalism trope, but you cannot say that the first Pirates was duller than a tin of sardines. You simply can't.

nailpolishblues said...

It's joy in the little things, isn't it Alexis? I do envy you, I've made no plans to see it as yet.

Karen said...

Ah well, I must admit that I wasn't concentrating on it too much, as I was a little more concerned with the cheese platter I had before me at the time. A few of my friends were almost squeeling with delight every time Depp appeared on screen, so it was difficult to hear anyway and I had to focus on the cheese even more closely, so I wouldn't clobber them (to preserve my hearing, you understand, not because I take any special delight in clobbering others).

I may give it a second chance at a future date, but, note, you are one of the few people who could make me reconsider a contentious opinion.

PS- My obsession is with the cat, not the sardines.

JahTeh said...

The only way to watch is sitting in Gold Class with feet up and no distracting munchkins roaming around. Gold Class is good for my diet, I can't afford food for a week. I am looking forward to it and I don't care if the storyline is on a level with Noddy and Bigears.

alexis said...

Gold Class! Golly gee, I don't know if my film-viewing budge-it stretches that far. I'm off to the 8:45 pm session, though, and on a school night, so it should be reasonably munchkin-free.

Karen, I'm emphatically not one to go all wobbly-kneed over square-jawed Hollywood pantsmonsters, but Johnny Depp really is beautiful, and clever, and fabulously charismatic.

Nails, yes, see above.

Alextricity said...

Oh, the trials we endure to prostrate ourselves before the oh so piratious Mr Depp!
Enjoy!
x

blue_haired_jennifer said...

Essential points for seeing 'Pirates Lacking Plot Coherence: World's End'-

1) When the surrealist scene comes on, stroke your chin thoughtfully and say it reminds you of something you saw at MoMA a few years ago.
2) Make worshipping gestures every time Keith Richards appears onscreen. For bonus points, dance to his soundtrack guitar solo (yes, the pirates, somewhat incongruously, discover rock n roll).
3) Take a friend who has studied mythology, Virgil, Homer, or all of the above. Watch their gradual expression of disgust at the film's treatment of the nymph Calypso. If they cry out in indignation, again, bonus points.
4) Leave any expectation of narrative logic in a locked cupboard at home, so that it won't escape and ruin your evening.

Enjoy!

TimT said...

I have only seen the previews of Pirates of the Caribbean. Do they really have an Octopus-face character? How the heck would you do that role - some kind of method acting?!!

Some years ago, I went with my friend Aaron and some girls to see Star Wars: The Phantom Menace, and I agreed with him that we'd have a game and count the Jungian references in the film. Whoever scored the most won! Strangely, no-one seemed interested in that particular game but myself... (I justify it on the grounds that it's better than being interested in the Star Wars films).

TimT said...

I honestly can't remember who the 'some girls' were, as I never saw them again! Ah, those were the days of the Jung and the Restless...

nailpolishblues said...

*nods head vigorously at Alexis* Oh yes. Yes.

Less trashing of the Star Wars, Tim. Well, actually, that one you can trash away.. Let's face it, no Harrison Ford, no good. Or Lando...

Karen said...

Oh no, Alexis, I do agree with you about Depp. I think it's a dreadful shame that The Libertine turned out the way it did. I can't think of a better John Wilmot.

I also hate Star Wars, but hating Star Wars probably goes down worse than not liking the Pirates, so I had better call an end to that now.

JahTeh said...

It's Tuesday and where's the review? Oh, sorry if you're still recovering from the swooning.

Adrian said...

So what's the verdict? Where's the review? Enquiring minds want to procrastinate.

alexis said...

A review? I was supposed to write a review? That sounds awfully like work. There's a little something, something vaguely reviewesque posted up now.

Karen, I'm not a huge Star Wars fan, although I always liked Princess L's hair-do. Who needs head-phones when you've got hair like that?

Tim, yes, an octopus face, except there are too many tentacles.

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