I spent several months in the Northern Hemisphere last year, and I saw hundreds of squirrels. Truly, hundreds. I even met a British squirrel eugenicist activist, who picked the wrong person (me) to inform proudly that Her Maj's government had recently legislated in favour of shooting grey American squirrels on the spot, no questions asked, presumption-of-innocence-be-buggered. Grey American squirrels, y'see, are infamously associated with the demise of the red indigenous non-American squirrel. I'm not exactly sure what the causal connection is, whether the grey squirrel buys up all the best real estate, or puts Rufus off his reproducing, or annoys him so much that he packs up shop and tries swimming across the Irish Sea. I'm really not certain, actually, that there is a causal connection. (Indeed, I have a theory that the grey is a scape-squirrel for the transatlantic ill-will generated by a certain war of independence and American substitution of the term "roundabout" for English "gyratory circus".)
So, I saw many a squirrel, but never - ay, here's the rub - never did I see so much as a skerrick of squirrel poo. And not for want of searching. I accept that squirrel poo is smaller, per unit, than, say, elephant poo, but surely it's still visible to the naked eye. I accept that it's probably highly biodegradable (here's hoping, anyway), but not so biodegradable that it vanishes into a puff of microbes upon contact with the earth. I accept that it camouflages pretty nicely, but so does wombat poo and rabbit poo and roo poo, and I've never had trouble seeing them poos. Here's my question - and I'm talking to you, oh coprologists, northern hemispehereans, and other interested parties - whither goeth the squirrel poo? Where do they hide it? What shape is it? I will not rest until someone brings me an answer. Please.