Monday, 25 June 2007

Hangin' with the hermaphrodites

Many are my passions: beagles, chocolate, chocolate beagles, pumpkin vines that emerge unbidden from the compost heap, otters, the words "elbow", "propinquity", "lapislazuli" and "zebra", Polish folk choral stomping, Charles Darwin, coriander, turquoise millinery, the responsible conservation of toilet paper, epaulettes, Leon Trotsky's pince-nez, lentils, clydesdales, looking up pictures of hedgehogs on the internet, the daily execution of the Sydney Morning Herald crosswords, antique chaises-longues, swimming in the sea with goggles on, and, though this list is by no means exhaustive, analysis of the cultural signification of eyebrow plucking. Many, I say, are my passions. But no passion have I ever entertained so downright yellow as this passion. I bring you - yes I do - my new flame, the banana slug!
Hello, banana slug! Hello, favourite mollusk! Hey ho for your anaesthetic slime! Three cheers for your assistance in the decomposition of California's forest detritus! Hip hip hooray for the way you keep your genitals near your head!

The unsqueamish should go hither; the squeamish should stay away from the West Coast of Amerikay.

19 comments:

Karen said...

They are quite fetching, I can see that.

Did you happen to catch Dr Tatiana when she was on?

alexis said...

'Fraid I missed Dr T, but am blessed with a mother who never missed an opportunity to acquaint her youngsters with biological arcana.

Pat said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
TimT said...

To steal a joke from The Simpsons:

INSIDE! BANANA-LOLLY FESTIVAL! ROOM 11!

BANANA-LOLLY-SHAPED SLUG CONVENTION: ROOM 1I!

Pat said...

These beasties are the mascot of the University of California at Santa Cruz, and will make your mouth numb if you lick 'em.

TimT said...

Dung beetles save the world from climate change!

Karen said...

Oh, that really is a shame, Alexis. The song and dance numbers were thoroughly charming, especially the one with the lady bugs and, as you can well imagine, there was a most diverting segment about the sea horse. Indeed, I would submit that Tatiana has a fair claim to being the Barbara Byfield of Zoology. Truth be known, I enjoy her work even more than Byfield's.

I have to know- Is Tim's joke about eating banana slugs more or less offensive to vegetarian sensibilities than my craving for steak and German sausages?

trixie said...

have you seen the banana peel yellow eel at the sydney aquarium? a very worthy exhibit. imagine, a zoo full of banana themed animals. of course, zoos which don't exist for research purposes are awful awful so it must be hypothetical. canaries, yellow frogs...and an excellent menu at the cafe!

TimT said...

And banana leeches: I hear they come in an attractive black-and-white striped version, so they're like overripe bananas. That suck your blood.

alexis said...

Pat, I don't know how you found yourself round this corner of the intertubes, but anyone whose provenance includes the mysteries of squirrel poo disposal and the wonders of the banana slug is abundantly welcome. Thanks for the tip: I'll remember to give the local banana slug a good lickin' next time I need my tongue anaesthetised.

alexis said...

Trixiebel, I have seen the yellow eel, and life will never be the same again. I'm actually not very keen on eels. Not that it's their fault that they're duckling-munching critters with sinister looking faces, but I just can't get past my prejudi. The only nice thing about 'em is that their babies are called elvers. Re the yellow-beasty zoo, my sister's beloved once proposed a garden consisting entirely of red-leaved planties. It's quite an appealing challenge.

alexis said...

So, it's like this, Karen, I'd probably rather that the collective carnivore ate a banana slug than ate a cow, because I suspect the cow is more sentient than the slug, but, really, can't you all just tuck into a chargrilled aubergine and pine nut filo pastry roll or something instead?

(I guess there are also questions of biodiversity at stake (ha) too: the banana slug, as a species, prolly isn't doing as well as the domestic cow. Species preservation has a kind of romantic importance to me, but I don't think it's as important as minimising beasties' suffering.)

alexis said...

Tim, those leeches you're talking about are amazing. They have racing stripes. Not that they travel very fast when they've been latched to your ankle for an hour.

Tony T. said...

Does The Age's DA compile SMH crosswords? I'd gladly execute him.

alexis said...

Indeed he does. Today is DH, though. And s/he's easy-as-pie. "Conveyance bonus? I'm confused" (7 letters) = omnibus. That kinda thing.

I recently played "omelets" in scrabble. American English has its uses.

(P.S. I plead guilty to all counts of aggravated nerdery.)

Pat said...

Thanks for the welcome.

I was wasting time when I found "Her Majesty's Bath Day" and I found my time very pleasantly wasted. Since both my time and I like to be very pleasantly wasted, we've been back on a regular basis.

lucy tartan said...

If you attach a pair of banana slugs to your temples your forehead goes numb so that you can tweeze out the most recalcitrant of eyebrow hairs with reckless abandon.

alexis said...

That's very nice of you to say, Pat. Hoorah for pleasant time wasting!

Lucy T, as always, you are the Amelia Earhart of the interweb community, enterprising, pioneering, hopefully not disappearing over the Pacific Ocean. Unfortunately, as I am a reckless eyebrow non-plucker, your innovation is wasted on me. Dammit.

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