Sunday, 17 June 2007

And this weekend's award for best sentence in a first year English essay goes to ...

"Love has travelled down history's timeline like a fleet diesel on its way to an undiscovered territory."

19 comments:

Karen said...

Wow.

I wonder how many lanes history's highway has and if it's a toll road.

TimT said...

THE FLEET DIESEL POEMS
By William S Wordsblake.

1.
Come live with me and be my love
And we will all the pleasures prove,
Yes, my lady, we will be
Like two fleet diesel engines charging at one another over the stormy seas.

2.
My love is like a fleet diesel ship
That's newly sprung in June;
My love is like a fleet diesel ship
That's engine is in tune.

I think I might go and drive one now!

3.
Let us go then, you and I,
Not to mention my spiffing new state-of-the-art fleet diesel engine! Poop poop!

4.
Who said anything about love? I prefer fleet diesel engines.

5. My mistress' eyes are nothing like a fleet diesel engine,
And her hands aren't all that crash hot either.

alexis said...

Publishable, without a doubt. Get Faber on the line immediately, Jeeves.

Adrian said...

Nice. Bit of Hamlet in there for good measure.

Now get back to the essays with spelling errors and malapropisms!

I hope the English essay marker is going well. :-)

nailpolishblues said...

Did they go on with something about pollution?

Also, [and to Tim, alas] is #1 suck on repeat in your head? And #5 is, of course, pure evil. Keep that up and someone will have to spank you.

TimT said...

For a long time my fleet diesel and I used to go to bed early...

alexis said...

Am well, indeed, Hadrian, though my consumption of Liptons cranberry infusion is nearing potentially lethal levels. Thanks for your kind enquiry.

Nails, the next sentence: "The ride has been a very bumpy one thus far."

Karen said...

In that case, I hope love remembered to fasten its seat belt!

Karen said...

The cautionary advertising campaign is ready-made: Love lies bleeding, because it did not wear a seat belt. Don't be be a fool like love!

TimT said...

LOVE APPREHENDED ON HOONING CHARGES

A young God identifying only as 'Love' has been apprehended by police after hooning up and down the local roads on his fleet diesel truck.

The ancient personification of a metaphysical and moral concept has not attempted to deny the hooning charges.

"I just like driving trucks, man" he said in a brief statement to the media. "I like fifth gear best. You know what I mean?"

He faces court on Wednesday.

Karen said...

I can't even try to compete- I'm no match for your jokery, Tim.

TimT said...

Aw shucks, Karen, but I should point out that the inspiration and idea for that news article was your scintillating ad campaign suggestion. My at-length rants are merely a longer version of ideas I get elsehwere!

Karen said...

I don't know about scintillating- more just something to say- but thank you. I certainly do want to take up doggerel, but you and Alexis set the standard so high!

alexis said...

Now that's a humdinger of a backhanded compliment, if ever I saw one.

Karen said...

Oh no, no backhands here. I don't have the coordination to hit backhands- that's why I failed PE- because of the funny little twisting dance I could never stop myself from doing whenever the ball flew past my left-hand side. I insult well though, if that's the sort of thing you prefer, although I think Tim already had his round of insults a while ago.

Doggerel, however, is the highest state of comic art. I positively relish it.

TimT said...

Doggerell. And a whole lot more besides.

I'm rather taken with the German sound for a dog drinking: Schlapp schlapp!

TimT said...

English takes the cake for best Rooster crow, though: cock-a-doodle-doo - at least three unintended swear words!

Karen said...

What a wonderful page! It is certainly sad that I have lived this long without discovering it. I always enjoy hearing pets being addressed in multiple languages. I have four cats here (one is actually mine, the others belong to sisters who live in non-cat-friendly apartments), so the animal noise I hear most often is that awful hiss and squeal cats make at each other just before a fight- or just before I break up the fight, rather. The dog very kindly intervenes too from time to time.

There are certainly many variations on the expletives I utter every time they start up!

"Accidental" swearing, smuggled in under the direct gaze of polite society, is always the most satisfying, don't you find?

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