Thursday, 21 December 2006

Philately Jones

Dear Mrs I. M. Fair,

Yesterday your Australia Post Stamp Bulletin arrived in our letter box, and I took the liberty of leafing through it. According to Australia Post, 2007 will be the Year of the Pig. It will also be the Year of the Surf Lifesaver. This happy coincidence offers considerable scope for acknowledging pigs' oft ignored feats of altruism and derring-do.

Mrs Fair, I enjoy a good stamp myself - so much so that I intend to name my first born Philately - but don't you think it's time you branched out, started collecting something to really stretch your acquisitive talents? Noah managed TWO of EVERY animal species, that's 23760 ANTS ALONE, more than the total number of stamps released by the Commonwealth of Australia in its 93 years of stamp production.

"But I also collect pictorial postmarks", you'll say. Mrs Fair, it's that kind of lightweight attitude that's keeping this country down. Why be satisfied with pictorial postmarks when you can collect something truly stupendous, like famous walls? The Wailing Wall, the Great Wall of China, Hadrian's Wall, and the bits of widely dispersed rubble formerly known as the Berlin Wall: now that would be a collection I could respect.

Please send a forwarding address and we'll pass your Stamp Bulletin on.

Yours,

Lexicon.

13 comments:

TimT said...

Is your second born called Philatio?

alexis said...

Ah, no. That would really suck.

If I get round to a second born, I'm thinking Rubella for a girl, Anthrax for a boy.

Kate said...

Lexicon,

I think Rubella is a delightful choice of name for a girl. Have you considered Veruca? It's not only the name of the girl in Willy Wonka but is also a kind of nasty foot wart.

How lovely to see you in the blogosphere at last. I've been laughing my bottom off since discovering your pearls of online wisdom.

XXXXX Kate

alexis said...

Aw, thanks Lady Kate (for the laughing off of bottom).

I hadn't realised Veruca was a footwart ... hence Veruca Salt, some kind of salicylic acid jobby?

If you want any baby name tips, I've got loads up my sleeve, and am more than happy to share. I'm going through a bit of a papal name phase at the moment. Pius and Innocent are this month's faves.

Much love,
lexi

TimT said...

Presuming the children take your last name, then I'd suggest going with a rhyming theme:

FOR GIRLS
Charlotte
Scarlett

FOR BOYS
Varlet
Starlet

Okay, I'm grasping dyslexically at straws (or stars) with that last one, so I'll stop.

alexis said...

Nice. Although Scarlet Harlot ... you don't think people might get the wrong idea?

I'm also quite keen on palindromes. Otto. Eve. Pip. Catherineenirehtac.

TimT said...

Or Anna, Hannah, Ada, Elle, and just incidentally, Bob.

Maybe you could call your second child Dyslexicon Harlot. That would *really* give them a reputation to live up to.

alexis said...

"Dyslexicon"? One of my herd of older siblings has dyslexia, and I grew up overhearing conversations in which I thought I was being held responsible for said sibling's reading problems.

As for Bob, them's quite some palindromes he's got going on. My "denim axes examined" looks pretty measely. BD's voice (and this imitation of it) always reminds me of a motorised scooter.

Thanks for da link.

blue_haired_jennifer said...

Alexis!

I am in Dire Academic Straits (also in Paris, but that's another matter.) Check my englandcalling blog for details- but do you have any Tips & Tricks for those who are aspiring towards tackling a university bureaucracy? I sense I may need to do battle, and don't know quite what armour to wear.

-Jennifer, whose hair is not the only thing which is blue

TimT said...

I remembered this afternoon, I wrote a playlet for my blog once featuring a character named 'Philomela'. I think I started writing it because I liked the habit some poets had of naming their characters 'Philomela'. Curiously, I matched her up with a character called Leuqsicon ...

No point to any of these, but seeing as it's nearly Christmas, I thought I'd come here and wish you seasons greetings and greasy seatings, and all that. I'm off up to Newcastle for a few days, but I'll get mighty bored there mighty quick.

alexis said...

Ach, Jenny, you're going to need a dozen elephants, Joan of Arc and a couple of papal bulls for this one. I'll send you an email.

alexis said...

Hey, fancy that, Philomela and Leuqsicon. A quick google verifies the existence of said playlet. I think I'm more the Leuqsicon type (as the name would have it), all talk and not much action; in fact, round here, talk is action.

Happy hols. Enjoy Newie. Stave off boredom with charades, or scrabble, or sleep. Nothing like being unconscious to pass the time.

Blessings,

Dr Harlequin.

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