Monday, 18 December 2006

Alors, les escargots!

Awright, I like a snail as much as the next lady. I like their retracting antlers. I like their stripy shells. I like that in Northumbrian English they're called "pookies" (allegedly). I'm even rather partial to saucy French nature documentaries that set their empassioned hermaphroditic trysts to music. But a snail who spends the better part of sunday evening climbing in through the bathroom window so that s/he can greet me at sunrise from the vantage point of my toilet seat IS A VIOLATION OF THE NATURAL ORDER. No one should separate an underslept woman from her early morning ablutions, and in a creature whose primary contribution to the world is a trail of slime, this kind of behaviour is beyond the pale.

5 comments:

TimT said...

Let's not have an escargot embargo. Make mine mollusc, I say!

alexis said...

Did you hear about Susannah the Snail? She had a giant S painted on her convertible. Wherever she drove, the crowds shouted, "Look at that S-car go!"

Hm.

TimT said...

I hear she got a job for the Sydney Morning Herald writing under the non de plume of "Escargot Kingston". Even spawned something of an Escargot Cult, apparently.

(For the record, when it comes to religious observances and molluscs, I prefer the Blue Öyster Cult.)

alexis said...

And she wore escargot pants, no?

As for religious observances and molluscs, I celebrate that chap who got snailed to the cross.

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