Monday, 18 December 2006
Alors, les escargots!
Awright, I like a snail as much as the next lady. I like their retracting antlers. I like their stripy shells. I like that in Northumbrian English they're called "pookies" (allegedly). I'm even rather partial to saucy French nature documentaries that set their empassioned hermaphroditic trysts to music. But a snail who spends the better part of sunday evening climbing in through the bathroom window so that s/he can greet me at sunrise from the vantage point of my toilet seat IS A VIOLATION OF THE NATURAL ORDER. No one should separate an underslept woman from her early morning ablutions, and in a creature whose primary contribution to the world is a trail of slime, this kind of behaviour is beyond the pale.