1. If caught in public with pants unzippered, say "It always pays to advertise."
2. In case of flatulence, blame the dog. In absence of dog, say "Better out than in."
3. Upon meeting small white dog that looks like Dame Barbara Cartland's slipper, say to the dog's human companion, "That's a ferocious looking beastie". This will generally elicit a condescending smile. If it doesn't, run.
4. Don't trust a man who drives while wearing his hat.
5. In case of request, "Would Sir like cream or ice-cream with his dessert?", reply, politely, "Yes", and then, "Both", and then allude to the deprivations of World War II.
6. Beagles are humans too.
7. Something about negative gearing, capital gains tax, and stamp duty, but I wasn't listening.
8. John Howard is immoral, on all counts. Views on Pig Iron Bob more complex.
9. Always wear a suit and tie to protests.
10. Mrs H. is a paragon of all things excellent.