Wednesday, 10 October 2007

The Chastity Pants and Industrial Relations Implications

I conducted exhaustive surveys today, and learnt that the eight buttons of the Chastity Pants (not including supplementary waist-adjustment buttons) take on average 18 seconds to undo and 25 seconds to rebutton. That's an average of 43 seconds for the whole combined unbuttoning and rebuttoning experience. A button and zipper, on the other hand, can be worked in well under 5 seconds either way, so let's - generously - allow 10 seconds for the combined unzipping and rezipping. The difference, you'll note, is some 33 seconds. Assuming three visits to the bog during working hours per working day, that's 99 seconds per day squandered, 495 seconds per working week, 21920 seconds per working year, factoring in four weeks leave, and 219200 seconds over a ten year employment period, not accounting for long service leave. This, you'll see, raises serious concerns for workplace productivity. If I weren't myself the owner of the Chastity Pants, I'd be making velcro mandatory.

6 comments:

lucy tartan said...

I'd be making velcro mandatory

um, have you read the fine print in your contract?

just askin'

Martin Kingsley said...

One of those newfangled anti-velcro AWAs, eh? :-P

Maria said...

Too much concentration on the unbuttoning and buttoning of them chastity pants. How committed to the chastity-mechanism are you?

alexis said...

Lucy's right. Velco was mandated several years ago. I've been in breach of contract all week. Or should that be breech of contract? Ha! Breeches!

alexis said...

Velco = velcro, only misspelt.

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