Monday, 5 January 2009

It's been a long time between thinks

I have been an unconscionably absent blogger, and I herewith apologise for leaving you all (yes, you, Mum) in quivering anticipation. My brain hath on vacation been, and it was only today, upon my body's joyful reunification with the workplace, that I remembered how to type.

And a good thing, too, because: I was reduced to indecorous cackles this evening at the gym, many thanks to that paragon of current affairs reporterie, Today Tonight. Its special feature on the Australian illiteracy pandemic (Boy interviewed in shopping mall can't spell "receive"! Quick! Someone fetch a box of chalk and a slipper!) was accompanied by the text, "Arithmatic Reading Writing".


"Arithmatic", more commonly known by the orthographers amongst us as "arithmetic". Joyous ironies like that don't come my way too often; though on the joyous irony front, there was stiff competition from the "Hurry, everybody, panic! Studies show that we're more anxious than ever!" story, and from Today Tonight's Expert on the psychobiology of "cradle snatching", which Expert observed, "I don't mean to be sexist, but men are more visual and more fickle than women". No, that's not sexist, and women are naturally better at frosting cupcakes. Today Tonight really is the go-to show for masochistic ironiphiles such as m'self.

Seeing I've already outed myself as an antisocial pedant, cast thine een over this headline: "Finally, Australia get a break". Australia has apparently become a plural noun, possibly of Australium. If anyone still needed convincing that the Piddly Morning Herald ain't half the broadsheet it used to be, look no further. Mutter, mutter, grumble, snort.

Where did I leave my Zimmer frame?

In other news entirely: puppy!


Martin Kingsley said...

I've oft-wondered if there is actually any task to which the staff of Today Tonight, 'journalistic' (ho ho ha ha kill me now) or otherwise, could be usefully re-purposed, and despite thinking long and thinking hard, as is my wont, the conclusion that is invariably reached (no matter how the variables are altered) is that the only use for such a monstrous and bucolic clan of mongoloid homunculi and lying, cheating blackguards involves a nice, sunny length of hastily erected brick wall and the proffering of final cigarettes all-round.

When I am King...

TimT said...

As usual I have no idea what you are talking about, your Majesty, Mr Kingsley, but I agree with every word of it.

I like Today Tonight. I find it soothing. It's like a child's lullaby in the way it constantly falls back on the one style, and the one set of subjects. You can be absolutely sure, when tuning in, that the reporters will hardly say one thing that is original or, indeed, insightful: it is the ultimate victory of style over substance.

What's that? A little Aussie battler is being ripped off by an evil con artist, and we're going to follow him into his office with our foot-in-the-door journalist? Ah! How soothing!

Maria said...

I used to work at A Current Affair, four weeks of work experience.

It is fun, at least they don't take themselves too seriously.

The stories can be tediously repetitive and others can be a laugh.

The footage is great.

Lotsa people definitely watch the A Current Affair people con artist ones when the intrepid reporter comes in and starts yelling and then the person gets yelled at by a barrage of people and then the police cme in etc.

So we got all these calls from people just saying "hi, I've got this problem with this person ... can you send the police in?"

I think TT and ACA are like their alternate emergency line.

(BTW I say that in jest now but I think that is in some ways not funny because I got a call from someone once who did seem in real distress, though not really an emergency per se, but traumatised, who really ought to have been calling a helpline or hotline to deal with her particular case. Instead she called ACA and I wasn't at all equipped to deal with the matter and I freaked out. It is somewhat scary to think that some people might have the ACA number in their head better than their ability to get real and appropriate help.)

kiki said...

more importantly Maria, did you hang up on her and ignore / forget everything she had ever tried to tell you?

Anonymous said...

actually an arithmatic is someone who suffers from arithma

Red Wombat said...

Having fallen befuddled by the powers of the electric interweb, I put "arithma" into a well-known search-engine, and got these:

Office Collectibles: Private collection of Jay M. Goldman

Chris Osburn's Calculating Instruments

Whilst I am none the wiser as to what an "arithma" is (other, than, perhaps, a badly named sliding rule), I fear I may, indeed, have become arithmatic.

Beth said...

I think an arithmatic is a machine that automates the process of arith. Every household needs one.

And lexicon, that anonymous was my dad again. In case you couldn't pick the family resemblance between comments.

Alexis, Baron von Harlot said...

Ha! Now that you mention it, I can see the genetic connection.

My arithma's at its worst in the Spring, when I can't count the pollen.