Tuesday, 2 December 2008

All these facts and more are yours for the acquiring, should you loiter at the tram stop

Loiterers at tram stops will be familiar with this dilemma: either one's eye is drawn to the magazine hoardings outside the newsagent, which hoardings announce that an Heiress/Thespian/Songstress-of-the-Night has sequestered twenty-seven highly newsworthy kilos somewhere about her person, or one's eye is drawn to the tesselated slabs of late cow, interleaved with plastic ferns in the window of the butcher's. Whether it's Who Weekly or Fresh Delicious Tripe, my gorge rises, but I have a slight preference for looking in the window of the butcher's shop, being also fascinated by wombats in an advanced state of putrescence, medical miracle tv shows (the tapping of giant tumours especially), and what appears when a scab scrapes off. The fact that I will gaze at the Goat Meat Sold Here does not mean that I am very pleased with the way our society goes about raising beasties in various states of imprisonment, hammering bolts through their brains and chopping them into pieces. But there you go. Were I not looking at internal organs on plastic ferns I would be feasting on the allegedly delicious misery of Britney Spears in sans-serif headline form.

Thus it was, while loitering at the tram stop scrutinising the Minced Quadruped, that I observed an advertisement for this pro-cow-dismembering propaganda site, themainmeal.com.au, and I realised that "the main meal" is an anagram for "animal theme". Which is bloody sneaky, if you ask me. What about cowmurder.com.au, eh? That way it would be an anagram for "crude worm".

(I shared this information with my colleagues yesterday, and also told them that the tram trip from spuniversity to home takes six minutes, and then volunteered the information that I have timed how long it takes me to unbutton a particular pair of trousers so that I can assess the impact on productivity of wearing these trousers and urinating during working hours, and then told them that "Yarra Trams" is "Smart Array" backwards [a friend told me this]. I think they now think I have some sort of obsessive-compulsive disorder relating to time and anagrams.)


Anonymous said...

Oh dear, a compulsion for anagrams is a truly deranged malady and may lead to a penchant for cross words of a cryptic nature (e.g., Zounds!).

Under no circumstances then should you play with the service known as "I, Reaarangement Servant".

Alexis, Baron von Harlot said...

Not the internet anagram server! Please, no, not the internet anagram server!

(Said Brer Rabbit as they threw him into the blackberry patch.)