Thursday, 4 December 2008

Leonard vs. The Loo Paper

See this? This picture of placidity, innocence and whiskers? This is Leonard, lying on my belly and contemplating how she can help old ladies across the road, decrease carbon emissions, and eliminate child poverty.


Now see this? This is what remains of a roll of loo paper, tugged from the loo paper house up on the wall, shredded within an inch of its life, abandoned on the floor of the water closet like the unsavoury entrails of a sacrificial warthog.

Harriet the Biped Houseguest denies all responsibility, and I know I have not been ravaging the loo paper with my toenails, which leads me to the improbable conclusion that it was [assume stern stentorian tones] Leonard.

11 comments:

TimT said...

Sacrificial warthogs? It serves them right. No-one should hog all the warts. It's just greedy.

Nick Crumbedprawn said...

If I had a cent for every time I found *actual* unsavoury entrails of sacrificial warthogs on my bathrtoom floor, I'd have $5.64.

The savoury stuff I only find in party pies.

Cistern Harlot (the pro-crastinator) said...

Have you considered the possibility that Leonard's toilet paper shredding is part of her cunning plan to help old ladies across the road, decrease carbon emissions, and eliminate child poverty?

TimT said...

I am afraid things have taken a turn for the worse for our feline friend. Far from contemplating pleasant ways to make the world happier for her fellow mammals, the evidence appears to indicate that Leonard has an entirely different thing on her mind...

Alexis, Baron von Harlot said...

Nick, the trick is to keep your dunny window shut, or cover the aperture in fine-mesh chicken wire.

Cistern, I am completely pro crastination. And it is like your eversokind self to see goodness in Leonard's method. It's possible that in shredding the loo paper, she will force me to nobler activities than pooing, thus deploying me as her agent for good.

Timoth, this is dire news indeed. What seemed merely circumstantial evidence is gathering force with every passing moment.

eyrie said...

I don't want to cast aspersions upon Leonard's character, but, as I know too well, when cats scrunch any paper products like that, they only have one thing in mind. As a dog person, you are possibly not yet aware of the horror that can ensue.

Start lining the area outside the toilet with soap now!

Alexis, Baron von Harlot said...

Thank you, Eyrie. I think I catch your drift. But is soap a deterrent?

eyrie said...

Yes, the strongest-smelling, worst soap you can find is a good deterrent. "You'll love Coles" generally works for me, particularly the lavender, although the citrus is dreadful too. There are also products like this (so effective I gag while I use it!) and this (less effective, but certainly empathetic), should all the cats of the neighbourhood lay a claim for territorial control of your abode.

lucy tartan said...

That paper still looks usable.

(word verification is sarin - alarming in the light of recent comments)

TimT said...

Buy our amazing loo-paper for your toilet! True, it looks like something the cat dragged in - but that's only because it is something the cat dragged in. Apart from that, there's nothing at all unusual about it.

Alexis, Baron von Harlot said...

It's all yours, Lucy T. I'll pop it in the post.