Landed gentry? Would it help if I sent you some turf?
Con-grat-ululations! I shall be whips and blunderbuss for defence of your estates post haste, Baron. Also, maybe a little team of assorted gentry to go with landedness.
Bah. I shall be *sending* whips and blunderbuss... I'm a blunderbuss, I am!
Just a small patch, if you would, Nails, and a garden gnome.
Thanks, Squire Timoth! You can live in the cupboard under the sink.
Welcome to the Kingdom of Mortgage, where every dollar is spent with interest. The Marquis de Duck*(*Because my house is about as big as a marquee)
As you wish, my liege. Um, should the gnome look like Tim or Martin or maybe one of each?
Tim is much more presentable. A gnome made in my image would probably become self-aware and sentient, and then make it its business to conquer the world, or at least an appreciable fraction thereof.
And since you done it on purpose, I guess that makes you the Deliberately Baron von Harlot?
Whereas a Tim-gnome would remain dumb, Martin..?I think you'd make a sweet gnome. Dungarees and a leetle fishing rod...
I can only speak for mashelf, Nails. Don't want to put words in Tim's adorable little gnomic mouth.
I supect that Tim's, um, adorable little gnomic mouth doesn't need help with words. The same can be said about your adorable little gnomic mouth, Martin.
Actually, if it's not too much trouble, I'd like a sixty-four piece chess comprised entirely of miniature garden-gnomic Tims and Martins, carefully fashioned to resemble queens, pawns, rooks, etc. Got that? Tims and Martins turned into garden gnomes turned into chess pieces. (But only with their consent. I don't want to get all high-handed in my baronetcy.)
Deliberately Baron! Ha! Maybe I could get a Heffernan gnome too.
Heffernan gnome pawns..?
Alexis, remind me to tell you the story of when a friend of mine met Heffernan some time more discreet than now.
Kingsley and Train pieces would make for any number of double entendres: Kingsley queens!Train pawns Kingsley! Kingsley queens Train! Train queens pawn, mates Kingsley! Kingsley mates Train!(etc, etc. Somebody had to say it, and that somebody didn't have to be me.)
I've just declared a hippopotamical microstate, and was wondering whether you or your future bathroom accoutrements would care to establish diplomatic relations?
Excellent plan. I'll have my pot plant draw up the terms of alliance forthwith.
Right then. I'll get on to a name for the treaty. The Rent Embassy has a nice ring to it don't you think, even if circumstances have changed for some of us.
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