Thursday, 13 March 2008

Oh my, but my life is exciting!

I've just won a competition. I had to explain in 50 words or less "what makes an awesome story". (Answer: "Like, totally, y'know, like, when, like, totally, stuff happens and stuff, y'know?") Anyway, I WON! (Did I mention?) And now I get a whole lot of sensational prizes that I am resolved to enjoy to the utmost, including a lanyard (yes, a lanyard! from which to hang my rosary beads!), a tote bag, a "fantastic beauty pack", and a year's supply of G--------d magazine. It's true, I am no longer thirteen years old, and when I was thirteen years old, I was more interested in the reproductive lives of nematodes than G---------d magazine, but still ... I am indecorously excited. A tote bag! What more could a 29-year-old in spectacles ask for.


TimT said...

More spectacles?

TimT said...

F'rinstance, Prose-tinted glasses. You just put them on, and even the most elegant, finely-wrought, lyrical artifacts of human poetry will appear as bland, dull-as-ditchwater prose! Allow me to demonstrate:

Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?
Thou art more lovely, and more temperate:
Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May,
And summer's lease hath all too short a date...

This becomes:

Are you like a day of summer?
Not really.
May has lots of bad weather,
And summer's not very long!

Yessir! Prose-tinted glasses. They take all the poetry out of Keats' rainbow, all the rhyme out of life, and just leave you with horrid old reason. Prose-tinted glasses are the thing to get!

eyrie said...

Er, I know some matters are best swept under the carpet but, um, since you seem to have won a G--------d magazine competition, does that mean that you were actually reading G--------d magazine, perhaps in a waiting room somewhere, your judgment impaired by an especially strong anaesthetic?
I would not ask this, of course, if it had been D---y, for everyone knows that D---y Doctor supplies absolutely vital information.

Ampersand Duck said...

Oh my, but that was a fan-fairy-tastic answer.

And I'm sure you spotted the competition when you were sitting in your local dentist surgery or some such occasion? No? Never mind :)

Ampersand Duck said...

And TimT, I know I've said this before, but you rock my world, yessiree.

alexis said...

Firstly, to clarify my position on this subject: there is no shame in reading G--------d. It is one of the great cultural commentators of our time, offering unprecedented insights into the relative merits of lipgloss vis à vis no lipgloss and how to tell if the boy on the bus who made elbow contact three months ago secretly (in the semantic units of this particular discourse) "has the h*ts" for one.

As it happens, though, I came across this competition via my regular Borders e-pistle, and never one to pass up on (a) a competition and (b) the possibility of free stuff, I plunged fecklessly in, not thinking for a moment that I was some sort of Kasparov at a primary school chess tournament.

And there you have it. Any minute now my tote bag will descend by parcel post.

Meanwhile, Tim, quite right. I'm aspiring to something Edna Everagesque with diamantes

eyrie said...

The semantics of teenage seduction is indeed a very worthwhile subject and no doubt you will be finding out a great deal about it in the coming year. I'm just jealous because the only thing I've ever won was a flanno and a coffee mug at a high school trivia night (my sister swiped the former, my mother the latter). I should follow your example and be "in it" more often.

So they don't wish to take a photo of you with the tote bag for their next issue?

alexis said...

Oh, wow! I hope they do. "Here's Alexis. She likes bagpipes, Victorian poetry, and coordinating her nailpolish with her shoes."

Mrs Mean said...

I'm bitter because you beat my entry on what makes an awesome story. Like, totally.