Thursday, 9 August 2007

Hindus and don'ts

My pal next door at work took one look at my aura of harriedness last week and informed me that I would be joining her for lunchtime yoga. All I have to do is say the word "yoga" and I'm awash with feelings of wholesomeness. It rolls around my mouth like a gobbet of wholebran organic vegan muffin, premasticated by unionised freerange indigenous marsupials. I feel my toenails growing thicker, my eyebrows bushier, my gluteus maximus hardening into something that Michelangelo would carve in marble. The word "yoyo" does not inspire the same effect.

Today was Welcome to Lunchtime Yoga day. Though my spine is stretched, I have biceps, and I'm feeling almost indecently relaxed, the best thing of all were the sentences like this 'un: "This position is downward-facing dog, which is called adho mukha svanasana in Sandscript". Ah, Sandscript, sacred language of the Oil-Rigveda.

13 comments:

TimT said...

What is a gluteus maximus? Do little kids have a gluteus minimus?

trixie said...

For a while there, I had a Jamaican yoga teacher. I heard the words 'downward facing daaaawg' so many times, I couldn't help but be very relaxed. Ah, 'twas bliss.

alexis said...

It's the largest of the three gluteal muscles. Any other questions?

Daaaaawg. My favourite. I got a bit antsy when the instructrix started talking about saluting the moon, which is feminine and passive and calm.

TimT said...

I'm just impressed you have not one, not two, but three muscles for the specific exercise of gluteing. Glute away!

alexis said...

Indeed, on account of being a fully fledged biped, I have not three, not four, not five, but six gluteal muscles. In total. Believe you me, I do a lot of gluteing.

TimT said...

You must be an experienced glutenist!

Do you strum your Glute by the light of the silvery gloom?

Ghost of Jane Fairfax said...

One imagines that, once one has glutenised one's vital energies appropriately, the gender roles can be very fluid indeed. Surely it is a good sign that the dogs forgo howling in order to face downwards, bowing before the feminine principle of the moon in a quasi-tidal motion.

emmo said...

check out the main page on wikipedia today!

alexis said...

Why Em? Is there something Sanskritty going down? I can't see anything unusual.

alexis said...

Dear all, can we stop talking about my glutei maximi already? I know I started it, but you'll appreciate that they don't withstand prolonged scrutiny.

Ghost of Jane, I don't want anyone bowing down before anyone, but if we must have a hierarchy, I'd like the dogs at the top of it.

TimT said...

I believe Emmo is talking about this article, which is featured on the Wikipedia main page at the moment: well worth the perusal.

alexis said...

Oh. Right. Gotcha. Thanks for clarifying that. Yes, well worth the perusal!

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