Monday, 15 January 2007

Great Expectorations

Tomorrow I will be teaching Charles Dickens' Great Expectorations, a rollicking tale of social-climbing and projectile saliva. My lecture is built around four main observations:

1) Charles Dickens is 68.2% more likely than any other nineteenth-century author to undergo surgical adaptation-by-BBC. This doesn't work if you count Ms Austen as a nineteenth-century author, which, for the convenience of this statistic, I don't.

2) Charles Dickens' beard was frizzy.


New historicist tonsurologists have various explanatory theories for this, my own being that the investigative expectoration Dickens performed while researching for his novel created an abnormally humid microclimate in the immediate beard environment, thus promoting aggravated on-set frizz.

3) Charles Dickens is the only non-scientific author to appear in any episode of Dr Who. I have this on good authority.

4) An anagram for Charles Dickens is "children's cakes". This is under no circumstances to be read as a coincidence. It is, on the contrary, highly significant. Of something. Charles Dickens is also an anagram for "sans elder chick", a fact which may offer the interpretive key to our reading of the chapters following Miss Havisham's death.

5 comments:

Tim 'Yosemi' T said...

(Begging your pardon, ma'am, but if I may...)

Tarnation! It's Chuck! I ain't seen the old jackanape for nigh on twenty-fore years, give or take a few (an' whose countin'?) I had not known him afore that, without a passing familiarity with his pamphlets and the like in a number of journals of the day. However, I count myself as one of the privileged few to have seen the man talk, and what a talk he gave! Why, I say he fair lifted the roof of the house that night he instructed the audience at Boston in his tale of Martin the ol' Chuzzlewit!

So - if I may prevail upon you for information - how is the old greenhorn, anyway? He complained about a sore affliction of yokels to his bunions when I met him; I am hoping that this grievous case of yokels has since cleared up.

(Begging your pardon, once again, dear lady)

Tim 'Sawyer' T said...

I do believe I would like to pull his beard.

To those who say, 'Beards are not for pullin', I say, why are they so hairy, if they be not for pullin'?

PS Becky Thatcher picks her nose in church, an' tells lies. I saw her!

alexis said...

Why, I do declare! If it ain't Mr Yosemi T himself! I'm mighty sore to have to tell you, Yosemi T, but ol' Chucky boy ain't been doin' so well on the ol' transatlantic literary tours these days. Why, some do say he been gone and done his dash. Too many bunions up the proverbial yokel, if you ask my 'pinion.

alexis said...

Sawyer, boy, we bin done chidin' you and your posse to quit pullin' other folks' beards. It just ain't right. Pull your own beard, why don't you?

Yours,

Miss Issipi

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