It's hard to say what's best about this. The quotation marks around "all ages, all reasons"? That it appeared in my letterbox with a take-away pizza menu? That Dr Mohammed Jabbar has proudly made circumcision his life's work?
The pizza menu is the give-away. Pfft, I don't call that much of a secret ingredient, although I suppose with the right kind of marinating agent you could probably pass them off as antipasto. 'Gourmet' pizzas, really.
"At various points in history, a number of churches in Europe have claimed to possess Jesus' foreskin, sometimes at the same time. Various miraculous powers have been ascribed to it."
Anyway, back to Feast of the Circumcision of Christ. Who's up for it? I'm seeing the menu as follows:
- Apertif: sausages! - Sausage salad! - Soup: Sausage soup, that is! - Main course: sausages! - Dessert: spotted Dick (with added sausage!) - After dinner sausage. That is, mint.
dear Zoe and dear Jayne (above) 'bollocks' was a word for describing priests, and because their sermons were often rubbish, bollocks became the word for rubbish talk. I just read this last night in the Richard Branson biography where it was the turning point of Virgins defence in the Never Mind The Bollocks LP obscenity case. Branson also discusses his mid-life circumcision. Brave man.
At the good old Pickled Knacker, where they all drink Knackled Picker, Knackled Picker being the pub brew at the good old Pickled Knacker, And they pledge a pint of Knackled to the baker and the vicar Who are at the vicars lodge, eating knackers on a cracker - For they like a nice swine knacker, at the good old Pickled Knacker, It goes well with a Knackled, and a pipe of old tobaccer.
Yes, a yo ho ho, a fickle my rum, A piddley cockalorum! A biddy biddy biddy biddy biddy biddy bum la Tusticutulation, liposuction, diposuction, Licky licky licky licky licky fa lum la!
And if visitors to the pub ask about the Pickled Knacker, And why it should be named in the way that it is named, Then the Knacker drinkers cackle, and one says, ''twas a packer, A goodly nickle packer, who was accidentally maimed - He accidentally packed his knackers in a sack And so he had them pickled, see, and to us they were sent back.'
A-clack clack clack! Whoopy whappy clap! Clidgey bum clidgey bum! Slap slap slap! Willhewollhewhee! Peroration! Felloration! And a nap nap nap! And a nap nap nap! (etc - I could go on, maybe I will later)
It's hard to say what's best about this. The quotation marks around "all ages, all reasons"? That it appeared in my letterbox with a take-away pizza menu? That Dr Mohammed Jabbar has proudly made circumcision his life's work?
19 comments:
The pizza menu is the give-away. Pfft, I don't call that much of a secret ingredient, although I suppose with the right kind of marinating agent you could probably pass them off as antipasto. 'Gourmet' pizzas, really.
I think I remember reading somewhere that in some tribal circumcision/initiation ceremonies the father is required to eat his child's foreskin.
Maybe it's an initiation pizza.
Isn't this a nice topic to talk about over breakfast?
Hey, we can have a Feast of the Circumcision of Christ! One week after Christmas!
"At various points in history, a number of churches in Europe have claimed to possess Jesus' foreskin, sometimes at the same time. Various miraculous powers have been ascribed to it."
I think that may very well be the funniest--nay, most hilarious--succinct historical summation I have ever read in my short, sad life.
I've left it in my will to have my knackers pickled so all the Christian baiters and other sniggering little twerps can marvel at talent.
Sounds like a pub in the Cotswolds, "The Pickled Knacker".
I personally am a big fan of Knickled Packers. Knickles should be packed, and, by God, who should do it but the Knickle Packers?
Christian baiting is a fine tradition with a long and variegated history and I shan't hear a word against it.
Anyway, back to Feast of the Circumcision of Christ. Who's up for it? I'm seeing the menu as follows:
- Apertif: sausages!
- Sausage salad!
- Soup: Sausage soup, that is!
- Main course: sausages!
- Dessert: spotted Dick (with added sausage!)
- After dinner sausage. That is, mint.
Well good heavens, why not just serve up your usual boredom sandwich?
Poor dope, you're about as lively as a deloused pimp.
Moving along ... what about this weather, eh?
Nuts to that.
I have a friend who had an elective circumcision as an adult. If you meet him, you must never ask him why, because he will tell you.
What a load of old bollocks!
dear Zoe and dear Jayne (above)
'bollocks' was a word for describing priests, and because their sermons were often rubbish, bollocks became the word for rubbish talk.
I just read this last night in the Richard Branson biography where it was the turning point of Virgins defence in the Never Mind The Bollocks LP obscenity case.
Branson also discusses his mid-life circumcision. Brave man.
The 'all reasons' has me baffled.
How many reasons does a bloke have to de-foreskin himself?
I mean talk to a woman and she'll give you a hundred.
Baron, I see you penning an epic poem called "The Pickled Knacker", along the lines of "Sherlock Holmes and the........."
I would buy it.
Hmmm, DB says 'imusewer', several ways to say that.
At the good old Pickled Knacker, where they all drink Knackled Picker,
Knackled Picker being the pub brew at the good old Pickled Knacker,
And they pledge a pint of Knackled to the baker and the vicar
Who are at the vicars lodge, eating knackers on a cracker -
For they like a nice swine knacker, at the good old Pickled Knacker,
It goes well with a Knackled, and a pipe of old tobaccer.
Yes, a yo ho ho, a fickle my rum,
A piddley cockalorum!
A biddy biddy biddy biddy biddy biddy bum la
Tusticutulation, liposuction, diposuction,
Licky licky licky licky licky fa lum la!
And if visitors to the pub ask about the Pickled Knacker,
And why it should be named in the way that it is named,
Then the Knacker drinkers cackle, and one says, ''twas a packer,
A goodly nickle packer, who was accidentally maimed -
He accidentally packed his knackers in a sack
And so he had them pickled, see, and to us they were sent back.'
A-clack clack clack! Whoopy whappy clap!
Clidgey bum clidgey bum! Slap slap slap!
Willhewollhewhee! Peroration! Felloration!
And a nap nap nap!
And a nap nap nap! (etc - I could go on, maybe I will later)
I am not sure if I have ever seen anything more fabulous.
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