Thursday, 7 May 2009

No boxed gifts please

I've received some pretty fancy wedding invitations in my time, but yesterday's wedding invitation takes the three-tiered cake. First there's the silver envelope, addressed to Ms Harlot. Inside is a silver gauze bag tied with silver silk ribbon. Inside is a map, a reply paid envelope containing a pre-printed RSVP card, and a plastic pocket, wrapped in another silver ribbon on which are printed the names of the happy prenuptial couple. Inside the plastic pocket are twelve jigsaw pieces, on each one of which is a dissevered portion of the happy prenuptial couple's faces and glimpses of what looks like normal wedding-invitationese. I assemble the jigsaw, and find in the bottom right hand corner the exhortation: "No boxed gifts please".

Someone is going to have to remove the toothpaste stain from my party dress.

20 comments:

Dale Slamma said...

But what on earth is a boxed gift? Is it any present that comes in a box or is it something that used to be in a box, like a toaster, but now isn't?

Alexis, Baron von Harlot said...

I think it's their way of saying they want lots of bubble wrap.

emmy said...

funniest lady since Christendom

Jayne said...

So there goes the plan on smuggling Shane Warne in via a wrapped box...!

WV = spintru
Blogger has a sense of humour lol.

genevieve said...

That's so cryptic, isn't it? Do they perhaps mean they have a list at a registry?
The jigsaw puzzle is also a bit of a worry. Are they already in pieces at this stage?(sorry, I am being a bit negative there.)

JahTeh said...

That's an awful lot of faffing about for the invite but it bodes well for the wedding banquet. Take a large handbag for the kitteh food.

Zoe said...

I think you should give them something in a sack. Something cheap.

Alexis, Baron von Harlot said...

This prejudice against boxes is a mystery.

No gift registry that I'm aware of.

I hoped that the jigsaw was meant to symbolise their ongoing integration.

kris said...

I... not knowing you... but as a reader of your blog and someone with reasonable survival skills... suggest you R U N L I K E T H E W I N D and D O N O T L O O K B A C K.

Anonymous said...

One might applaud this couple for providing extra employment to stationery suppliers with such an elaborate 'stimulus package' of a wedding invite.

And yet, what of the poor makers of boxes...

Dale Slamma said...

But where shall The Baron run to? and why? Shall we all run around a little bit just to be safe?

R.H. said...

I'm taking you to the Spottiswoode Hotel where we'll boogie beneath an industrial moon.

Ephemera.

-Robert.

Invitation scratched on rusted jam tin (of course), pop art so very superficial.

Bubblewrap.

-ROBBBBBERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

I take it they want some money, but feel it would be improper to ask. As a result, generations of proud box-makers are insulted and condemned. All hail the silver sack.

- Boxed Bride

Maria said...

"No boxed gifts" is a fancy and euphemistic way of saying "I want some cash" - google "no boxed gifts wedding".

I don't think it's tacky to want money but then I'm Asian and the Asian "red packet" containing money has long been a wedding custom. Not so much in Western countries where I've heard some people discuss that it's "tacky" to ask for money and "tacky" to give it.

For me it's not necessarily the best gift but it can be very practical and if it's what they really want then there is nothing wrong with it. It doesn't mean you think of them less or have put less thought or effort towards their needs, as anyone who has dealt with an ATM will tell you.

Many couples lean towards it not (only) because they think their guests are poor gft-buyers, but because traditionally lots of people put up bridal registries for homeware, and couples nowadays have lots of that stuff by the time they get married so money is the most practical thing for them - it helps out with that holiday they're saving for, or to pay off the honeymoon or mortgage, which is more of a priority than s second toaster.

However I think if you want money it's a bit silly to be so euphemistic and confusing about it. Come right out and say it. You don't have to be rude, but just say simply that you have a nicely stocked house and monetary gifts would
be most appreciated.

I know some people feel awkward about giving these sorts of things so I guess another thing they could try is a gift card to a big department store ...

And I heard of one couple who got pweople to give gifts to a selected charity in their name as wedding gifts. Would this count as "no boxed gifts"?

Maria said...

One thing you could do is try gving them a delicate piece of crystal without the box, sheathed only in a thin layer of paper wrapping, and include the jigsaw that says "no boxed gifts".

That'll teach 'em.

The jig saw bits confuse me - that seems like they only want people who do jigsaws to give them money. It can't be that important if they go to such lengths to hide their message, can it?

On the other hand, send them a toaster and a note saying that when you get married you'd like a guide on how to do jigsaws; you'll get round to completing one, one of these days.

lucy tartan said...

That invitation would have cost about $15-$20, which is why they want money.

lucy tartan said...

diluted vinegar or ammonia will get toothpaste stains out. Or draw some petals around it with a texta & make it into a feature.

TimT said...

Send them a jigsaw puzzle of a box with a toothpaste stain on it.

Alexis, Baron von Harlot said...

It was a metaphorical toothpaste stain, but I like the texta petals plan so much I might just go apply toothpaste to silk right now.

As for these allegations that "No Boxed Gifts" means "Money Please", I have, as Maria suggests, resorted to my friend Google, and Google doth confirm it. No His & Hers coordinated barbeque aprons for this young couple, then.

Maria said...

What I want to know is, what if you were planning to give them a nice wad of cash in a box? Does this mean you have to discard that idea?

Very confusing and I think people ought to come straight out and say what they mean.

I understand there are certain times in whaich euphemisms are polite and it's usually in cases when you don't need specifics "I'm going to the little girl's room" not detailing that you're going to the toilet and what you intend to do there.

But here it's just plain confusing for some and you are giving directions so ... be clear!