Northcote Kmart appears not to stock door-snakes.* It does, however, stock stockings, in abundance. Thwarted on the doorsnake front yesterday morning, I dallied amongst the hosiery, and was alarmed to discover that the so-called Footless Tight has edged out the infinitely superior Knee-High Sock. You'd have to live in a world quite bereft of spry young lasses not to have realised that the Footless Tight is the preferred legwear du jour. I see dozens of Footless Tights getting about every day, worn under shorts, mini-skirts, the tail-ends of overhanging cardigans. They enable your typical spry young lass to negotiate that troubling territory between nudity and beclothedness. (This, of course, is one of the long established virtues of semi-opaque lycra.) The trouble is that most Footless Tight wearers have feet. And as the season is upon us when idle minds turn to door-snakes, the Footless Tight wearer's foot is liable to the assaults of Antarctic breezes and miscellaneous chills. The Footless Tight wearer, like any other anthropoid, needs something snug about her ankles and toes, but, as the fashionistas will tell you, the Footless Tight can only be worn with thongs, or possibly sandals, or, at the very most, some kind of slip-on job vaguely resembling a shoe but providing minimal insulation. Mark my words, fashion-followers, there'll be a frosty-ankle pandemic within the week, or my name's not Elspeth McHarlot.
Knee-High Socks, on the other hand, are wonderful. They are stylish, sanitary and snug. The last (and only) conversation I had with Germaine Greer devolved around our shared affection for the aforenamed sock. Germaine Greer may not actually remember this conversation, but it occurred. My sister has photographic evidence. All in all, a ringing endorsement. Kmart may have surrendered to the Footless Tight imperative, but that doesn't mean that we must too. I am ordering in a bale of nylon, and will start knitting forthwith.**
* I will make my own, dammit. Just call me Lexicon "Low-Tech Heating Solutions" Harlot.
** After I have made my door-snake.