Saturday, 31 July 2010


Those of you who follow my cohabitator's blog will know that there's been some pretty lyrical regurgitation on the Harlot Heights feline front. The great cat spew of 2010 seems to have done its worst, thank Dog. The pertinent household appurtenances have been soaked almost to the point of disintegration in Napisan, and Harriet and Beatrice are now so frisky that if it weren't for the garbage bin full of vomit-sodden rags I'd be wondering if I dreamed poor Harriet's nine up-chucks in six hours or Beatrice's spectacular stomach-to-modem bile jettison.

Now that we're over the worst, and lest we give the impression that the cats are nothing but trouble, fur-balls, and pre-masticated kibble, I want to state in public the immense contribution Harriet and Beatrice make to the common weal.

For instance, you're trying to write an essay on Mr Darwin's Beagle diary?

Beatrice has got it covered.

You're trying to sew a shirt?

Harriet's right onto it.

You're trying to work out how to turn the rug that's drying on the clothes-horse because you had to wash it after Harriet vomited on it into a cat hammock?


My wonderful ma emailed my sisters and me today to point out that it'd only take three votes to bring wee Bea up to a grand total of TWO HUNDRED VOTES in the Who Wants to Be a Ten-Thousand-Dollar-aire? Whiskas catfood competition. Beatrice currently lags behind her chief competitor, Theodora, by 11312 votes, and the election ends tonight, but I have no doubt , no doubt what-so-ever, that with our electorial powers combined we can catapult Bea into first position. Metaphorically catapult her, that is, as opposed to the literal catapulting that's been going on in the catly oesophagus lately. No, actually, that was metaphorical catapulting too.

P.S. Speaking of elections: I hope the Geej gets herself elected, especially given the alternative, but it was pretty darn disappointing hearing her raise the ol "People Smugglers are Evil People" line on Sunday night. Surely she doesn't think so? Is it the helping to save persecuted people's lives that's supposed to be evil, or the being paid for it? So if - when - Gillard does win the election, my joy will not be unalloyed. It'll be so not unalloyed that I'm not even certain it'll be joy. If Beatrice, on the other hand, wins the election, my joy will be 100% pure joy containing nothing but joy. And disbelief. And thoughts of a new rug.


Mitzi G Burger said...

Nasty illness! Relieved to hear H and B are swiftly recovered and back to their household haberdashery chores.

Dan the VespaMan said...

Those cats obviously subscribe to the concept of form over function. They have aesthetics down pat.... on the mat.... they sat.....

Ann ODyne said...

Yes, what Mitzi said - I hope the reason for the pewking is past.
I voted and put the link on my Farcebook and on the blog.
That devious cat with 11 thousand votes obviously has good campaign management, which doesn't make hers the Best Feline.

Marshall-Stacks said...

Leader Theodora Cat, representing the animal shelter, has The Sympathy Vote.

Post-operative K.Rudd may get that vote too (in another voting contest on soon).

Alexis, Baron von Harlot said...

Marshall-Stacks, I hadn't noticed Theodora's affiliations with the cat halfway house - but yes, all votes should go to her. All spare votes should go to Beatrice.

AnnO'D, merci beaucoup for your vote. The candidate thanks you.

All seems to be well in the intestinal department, which is good news indeed. Thanks for your well-wishings, well wishers.

Marshall-Stacks said...

Beatrice also had votes from Melbourne bloggers Highriser, Copperwitch, Kath of Gone Chocco, and Genevieve of Reeling & Writing, Oregon blogger Kass, and it was Boynton who pointed out the shelter affelination of Theodora. They were all thanked effusively by the appallingly effusive Annie o'D.
Don't ever trust a cat-hater.